Gears of War Review
16/11/06 by Venom
GoWís main man is Marcus Fenix. Marcus is a large, burly man with a bad attitude who has just broken out of prison. We have a lot in common. I like Marcus. Marcus has useful friends who do a good job of helping him through fights though, and apparently he was really good at his soldiering job. I, however, have no friends and Iím not good at any job. When Marcus and his friends go out blasting fools they follow the mantra: Hide or Die. When I go out shooting, I donít just run down the street unloading clips into houses while I run sideways at maximum speed. This is Durham, motha fucka. Everyone is armed and dangerous. Youíve got to move from cover to cover. Stop and pop. As you control Marcus, and to a lesser extent his squad mates, from a 3rd person perspective through about 10-12 hours of gameplay you will learn to become Zen. Be one with the walls, burned out cars, concrete blocks, sand bags, and anything else you can hide your big ass behind or you will perish.
After successfully hiding, you lean out and unload on some freaky looking monster/alien bad guys. And then you move to new cover and do it all over again. Sound a bit repetitive? Yeah, it is. However, GoW has 4 very important things that will keep you playing: 1) Great Multiplayer and a kick ass Co-Op mode. 2) Well designed levels 3) Intelligent enemies (especially on the higher difficulty levels) that will own you like your name was Kunta Kinte. And 4)Chainsaws. To. The. Face.
One final word on Gameplay. GoW has a nice feature, some might even call it a mini game, included. I would call those people ass clowns. This amazing feature isÖ.DUN! DUN! DUUUUUN! RELOADING! Thatís right, some developer finally had the wherewithal (what the fuck did I just say?) to make the most important part of a shooter an actual part of the game. You can reload normally, like a limp wristed girl, by clicking the right shoulder button. Or, if youíre a manly man with wrists like a longshoreman, you can hit the right shoulder button again during the reload. If timed right, you will reload faster and your rounds will get a damage boost. That boost may save your life. If you spaz out like a meth head and miss the window, you actually reload slower and children laugh at you at your pink shirt when you go and get your mail. Then youíll be forced to kill them and bury them in someone elseís yard because you donít have any more room in your yard. Let's just move on before this review finds itself labeled exhibit A in the courthouse down the street.